Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
