is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
