i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
