Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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