My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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