cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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