it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
