U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
