Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
