she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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