She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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