I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
