kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
