I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
