Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
