Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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