look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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