Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
