i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
