I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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