I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
