loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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