it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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