my sisters under your porch take her home
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My boob is missing a layer of skin
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
