I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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