It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
