Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
