dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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