Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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