So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
