So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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