He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
