fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
