she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
