I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
