I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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