hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
