Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
