You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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