fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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