Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
