Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
