Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
