Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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