No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
