We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
