theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
