I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
