Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
