Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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