we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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