I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
