It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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