he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
