I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
