I'm so fucking centered right now
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
