I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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