hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
pray to the hookup gods
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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