i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
