It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
