Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
