just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i've created a new STD.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
