i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
