im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
