when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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