dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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