is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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