Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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