I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
