Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
