Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
