Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
