1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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