cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
