I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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