The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
