The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
