We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
not ubering you a puppy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
