that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
