walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
