I'm passing your future prison.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
