OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My liver just broke up with me...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
