i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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