my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
