I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
