What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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