Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
