home. puking in laundry basket.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
