he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
