Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
