I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
