did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
